I Guess I Should

I was going to post something about this shortly after the turn of the year. I had it all written out, but I couldn't make it sound quite right. So I just deleted it.

Sometime during that first week in January, I was working at the computer. I was feeling somber and mellow, and had an appropriate mix of songs cycling through Napster. A song came on that I'd heard many times before, but the lyrics really struck me on that day.


A Long December
-Counting Crows

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven... I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California... I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean
... I guess I should


I had a hardish day on Friday the 19th. I was going out of town, and I was feeling stressed out and worn down and overwhelmed and generally out of control. I was having trouble getting a handle on myself, and sometimes when that happens, I find that taking a steamy shower helps me calm down and focus and sort things out. During that shower, I had an epiphany of sorts. The thoughts running amok in my mind included this song, and my profile pic, and the beach.

When I was going to post this earlier, I still had the title as "I guess I should", but I had more of a dreamy/fantasy/wishful feeling about it. During this shower, I decided that "I guess I should" is going to become a resolution to myself.

I Will Go To The Beach This Year.
I Promise.

I feel happier. It was a good shower.