Monday, July 31, 2006

Subliminal, the return

Perhaps I should have done this at the beginning of my day. By now, my brain has succumbed to the mush that is gainful employment.

The words...

Italy ::
Honk ::
Shades ::
Tool ::
Modern ::
Tension ::
Conservative ::
Weight ::
Insurance ::
Political ::



My free association ...

Italy :: boot
Honk :: horn
Shades :: sunglasses (my future's so bright!)
Tool :: an annoyingly dense person
Modern :: appliances
Tension :: headache / muscle
Conservative :: dress / opinions
Weight :: loss
Insurance :: automobile
Political :: spin


Your turn.......

Props to LunaniƱa.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Decisions, decisions ...

For a long time, I've considered myself to be an indecisive person. But now I'm starting to think that maybe its not my decision-making skills that are lacking, but my self-confidence in following through with decisions that I've already made in my heart. I've been pondering the difference between indifference - an unbiased, impartial unconcern - and ambivalence - the coexistence of contradictory attitudes or feelings, "which can be expressed by alternating obedience and rebellion, followed by self-reproach." (G.S. Blum) That self-reproach part really resonates with me.

I was told recently that just because a decision brings turmoil doesn't mean that it isn't a worthy decision. In fact, the more I think about going against the grain, and issues much larger than my own little circle on this Earth, it seems to me that a lot of really important decisions that led to long-term improvement and stability caused short-term upset and angst.

I'm also trying to not classify courses of action as better/worse. I think that only by watching events play out can you retrospectively evaluate a decision as having been beneficial or not. By then, some ramifications have taken their course, and others are still in the process. At that later time, you can decide to continue on the same course, or to re-evaluate and redirect. But one can waste a lot of energy asking "is the best decision?" At least, I can. But there is nothing to be gained from asking that question, because it has no clear answer. Two roads diverged in the yellow wood .... You can never know what really laid down the path you did not take.

I think that, at the end of the day, you have to follow your heart. You have to spend time in reflection and prayer, then take a deep breath and then a step. You have to pick a course and start the journey. Action is the antidote to anxiety.