Oh, Say! Can You See?

The overcast skies in the DC area today are supposed to continue through the night, but hopefully people in other areas will be able to see the meteor shower.

Its been a fantasy of mine to lay in a wide open, secluded place with no artificial light and watch a meteor shower. I imagine myself in a desert or maybe on a beach. I'm laying on blankets or a sleeping bag, and a special person is there with me. We have wine and snacks. The air is cool, and our embraces are warm.

I *heart* KMA

Today's Super Awesome Award for Making Me Smile Out Of The Blue goes to ........
KMA!!!!

clap--clap--clap--clap--calp-dammit-i-mean-clap

Not only did she propose marriage to me, she called me "boobalicious" and threw in a reference to Flava of Love.
... All in the same day!!!

She rocks!

I don't know anyone else who would have accepted my challenge to a dessert-eating contest at the end of a working lunch in front of all our co-workers.
AND she's a Scorpio. And even has an awesome t-shirt that announces her as such.
In some ways, we are kindred spirits.
Except I don't have the t-shirt.

If we should ever again meet in person, my friend, I'm totally taking you out on a date. Stupid amounts of chocolate and ice cream and high-caloric, low-nutritive food will be involved.
Stupid, I tell you.
I know the way to your heart.

Gender and the F-Bomb

I just came from a 30 minute meeting that started two hours ago.

My team is facing an accuracy-vs-timeliness dilemma. Data has been so sloppy for so long that, we have come to realize, it will take much longer than is practical for us to make everything perfect. So we're faced with making the data good enough quickly enough for us to actually benefit from it.

Understandably, CEO is unhappy to be told this.
"I'd better start brushing up my resume because I'm about to get fired. I've always known you assholes would cost me my job. And I'm not happy about it."

He used the a word, many derivatives of shit, and a few sonuvabitch-es without batting an eye. However, when he let an f-bomb slip, he genuinely apologized to K and I, the females in the room; mostly to me, as everyone who has had the pleasure of conversing with K for longer than five minutes has been subject to her prolific usage of the word. Not only did CEO apologize, he begged my forgiveness and did not sit down until I granted it.

When he left the meeting, he exited the room, turned around in the hallway, re-entered and addressed me, "I'm really sorry for my potty mouth earlier."


Why is it such a violation of social and professional graces to utter this word in mixed company, but less inappropriate to do so when interacting with men only?
Does it have anything to do with boobs?
long hair?
repressed issues of maternal psychopathology?

Mutterings 199

No snappy intro, just the down and dirty...

rhyme ::
substantial ::
instant::
greed::
Brad::
season::
accomplished::
invite::
sparkle::
rainbow::




rhyme :: the seven seas of
substantial :: massive
instant :: breakfast (♪ Carnation instant breakfaaaaaast! Youregonnaloveitinaninstant!)
greed :: green
Brad :: Pitt (I'm so ashamed!)
season :: spice
accomplished :: resumé
invite :: disaster
sparkle :: eyes
rainbow :: leprechaun

Typhoid Mare-eesa

It seems that after reading blogs of other people who have been sick, I too have succumbed to an infernal, tortuous viral coup.

I do not suffer illness stoically. I am whiny and annoying. I want my mommy. Or someone who will give me equally selfless and abundant TLC. I want to be in bed with lots of blankets. I want movies playing that I can drift in and out of without missing anything. I want soup and tea brought to my bedside, and the empty dishes to magically disappear. I want a glass of room temperature water that never empties. I want to rise from bed only to take a steamy shower and change into a new pair of jammies. And I want a warm dog curled up close to me, happy to lounge with me, even as I hack and wheeze.

Ogden gets it...

Go hang yourself, you old M.D,!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
In not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

You should probably go wash your hands now.
I hear there's something going around.

Faux Paux

I definitely suffer more from keeping silent than by speaking up, but every now and then, even I put my foot in my mouth. I have a co-worker, K, who is beyond manic. The thought crosses my mind at least twice a week to figure out a way to slip mood stabilizers into her system. And I generally have a pretty high tolerance for mania. (After all, I live with myself!)

K, in her crazy-hyper-angry state, mentioned that she wants to take a trip to Paris. But she doesn't really want to go to Paris. She just wants the money to go to Paris. Because she really wants to go somewhere else. She doesn't like Paris. Even though she's never been there. She doesn't want to go though. Because, I mean, she's not in love or anything.

Because I was curious (and OK, maybe also the tiniest bit of an instigator) I asked her, "where would you go, K?"

"Amsterdam."

Another colleague who was present, D, exchanged an amused glance with me.

"Why Amsterdam?" I ask.

"Well ..... you know ....", she responds, prompting us, presumably regarding the drug culture.

"Is it for the tulips, K? Do you like tulips?" D stirs the pot.

I jump on the bandwagon and list everything that comes to mind regarding the Netherlands -
"clogs!"
"windmills!"
"cheese!"
"dike----"
--- I caught myself too late.

I really didn't mean it in the slang sense.
(But I do think its funny.)

Blake has been to the Netherlands.

I Sang to a Homeless Guy

... because the voices told me to.
I thought about doing it because I'm cool like that, or because that's how I roll, but the white shirt needed to be ironed, and its so dreary outside that I decided against the black one.

I picked this up from Spinning Girl. She's a scorpio.

1) Your birth month:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I smoked
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

2) Your birth date:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a lunch-lady
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------a homeless guy

and 3) the color of shirt you are wearing:
White----------because I'm cool like that.
Black-----------because that's how I roll.
Pink------------because I'm NOT a homosexual.
Red------------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
Green---------because I hate myself.
Purple---------because I'm cool.
Gray----------because I was drunk.
Yellow --------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars.
Orange-------because I hate my family.
Brown--------because I was high.
Other-------because I'm a ninja.
None--------because I can't control myself.

4) Now, put the sentence together.

Blake, by the way, dry humped an iPod, I'm guessing because he's sexy and he does what he wants. But it could be because he's cool like that. He should be glad he wasn't born on six days earlier!

Anyone else need to confess something?